honest motherhood

oh god help me.

that's what I keep saying to myself on repeat. my son is so difficult some days - today is one of them - and I just want to break down and cry on the floor with him. some days I can't hold it in anymore and I have to cry. all the tantrums from him, screaming bloody murder, kicking, hitting, screaming & worst of all, biting. I know it's "just a phase" but I cannot help but feel so embarrassed by his choice of expression. I get that he's showing his dislike (anger, frustration) for something  but it's such an awful way of doing it and the poor kid who receives the god awful bite is obviously hurt/upset by it. and the parent has every right to be too. because who "let's" their kid bite other kids?! no parent does, I sure don't, but their child still does it. no matter how many times I tell him no, explain why it's not okay, explain how it hurts and makes the kid sad, send him to time out, have him apologize to the kid, NOTHING STICKS & MAKES HIM QUIT. I am emotionally exhausted over it. I don't want to go to play dates anymore while he's going thru this phase because it's more work than it is fun. I have to constantly keep my eyes on him because I don't know when or who he will bite. I can't just let my kid play like all the other moms kids and I can't socialize with the other moms because my attention is on my child across the room. as I write this, my boy is is screaming crying around my room because it is nap time and he wants to ride his scuttlebug instead. I'm not the parent who lets their kid "cry it out" but after going thru these tantrums, he has to cry it out. I'm distracting myself with this so I don't naturally console his outburst. he will realize that some things just are set in stone. things like not taking a toy from another kid just because you want it, nap time, etc. no matter how huge the fit thrown is, those rules are set. when he is so hard to handle on days like this, I get lost in my emotions and can't help but feel envy towards the moms who aren't a single parent, who have a man there that help bare the burden of these phases and don't have to do it alone. yes it's exhausting to be home all day with your child and cleaning up after them and cooking meals, cleaning the house, taking care of the animals, doing endless laundry but at least you have that job and not all that plus winning the bread 40+ house a week and losing time from your baby. i hope this doesn't offend anyone as that is not my intention at all and by no means am I saying that being a stay at home mom is an easy job. I know it's hard because I do it too. I am realizing that I'm allowed to have these moments of overwhelming emotion because I'm strong 99% of the time. I'm a hot mess today after having to leave our play date early because my son bit more than two times and on his third attempt he tried to bite a baby's FACE. that was it for me. I shut down and left in complete embarrassment. so I'm going to join my son in a good ol' cry, nap with him & pray that when we wake up he's in a much better mood.

#honestmotherhood