It comes in waves

Naturally, emotions come in waves. When they come we don't usually get a warning (unless you're PMS'ing and that's a given 😉). The past two months have been very long but the last 6 weeks of that have been pretty great. The first two weeks: train wreck.

This wave is my heart aching for someone I love more than I myself can comprehend. Wondering how they're doing every single day, missing them as a whole but missing their smell and the touch of their skin the most. When someone starts off as a friend you hope that it'll develop into a great friendship, that's human nature. I realize in hindsight that everything we did was what best friends do & it's one of those things that make me go "hmmm". I've always wanted that. Yearned for it actually. The comfort of being a weirdo around them and them loving you for it, laughing at the same things, having the same interests, wanting the same things in life even tho we've been scorned... I still want that. That's what I miss the most--second to the scent of his skin. None of my adult relationships have been an effortless or "easy" thing like people say. But this was. It's always easier to "get over" someone when they did you wrong or hurt you, but what if none of that happened? What do people think of you when you tell them that you guys broke up because you love him enough to let him figure himself out and get his own demons handled? We all have them. Not everyone can admit that but it's true, some deal better than others. I've never had a guy NOT drag me thru his shit because he didn't want to lose me... Instead it was easier to hurt me the whole time and take advantage of the fact that they knew I don't give up when shit gets rough... That's what all my exes did, some much worse than others. I'm thankful for the heartaches now because I know what I will not endure anymore. This time tho, respect was #1 in our relationship and it was amazing. I have zero ill feelings toward him nor will I ever. People might assume that I don't know details but trust me, I do, and I'm still full of love for him. In my past, I've had a man ask me to wait for him and I did and it was so selfish on his part and ignorant on mine and ended in disaster. HE knows my past and HE knows me to my soul and would never ask me to wait because HE knows my worth. I'm in no hurry to date again (especially because 99% of single guys now are fuckboys) but if someone came along that made me feel all the feels that I want then I wouldn't deny myself that. Regardless if we both move on and marry, what we had will always be present and when we're together it's pure magic. It's electric. In the most selfless way I love him and I'll always be here to be the best friend that he needs. No judgement, just our naked souls.✨⚡️❤️