Hard truth

Kamden asked me a question today that I knew one day would come and would be difficult to answer. He asked, “Mommy, why didn’t you marry Daddy?”. I was caught off guard because we were both quiet on the drive home. I stammered and stalled by responding, “what do you mean?” & he quickly clarified by saying “Why did you and Daddy not get married??”. I was caught between the truth and lying to protect him. He deserves the truth. So I told him the heart wrenching truth that his daddy was still married when we made him.

Did you judge me when you read that? It’s okay, I spent years judging that girl too.

Did you feel sorry for my son when you read that? Please don’t, he was made out of pure love.

Did you call his dad & I a few bad names for learning our truth? I get it, I would have too if I didn’t know the whole story.

The funny thing is, I used to believe that I had to explain so many things in order to lessen the judgement on someone’s face when I told them why my sons dad and I weren’t together while I was pregnant. Or why my son has a hyphenated last name. Or how my son has a sister that’s 21 months older than him who is not my daughter. It’s all so crazy and I really can’t believe that it’s my truth to tell, even after it being so for almost 8 years now. But one thing I have learned is I don’t owe an explanation to anyone and I am in the process of  forgiving myself through healing. I am an open book, there’s no topic off limits to me, as long as the respect and an unbiased, open heart, goes both ways.

“Sometimes, your life can cause chaos and confusion. Other times, it helps you find clarity in difficult times by forcing you into unfamiliar territory.”